Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
