is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
