I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
