oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
