just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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