I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
