sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
