I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
