He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
