My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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