We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
