Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
