What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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