I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
