I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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