first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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