I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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