You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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