if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
