All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
