can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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