At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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