how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
