New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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