Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
