I want to make a zoo with you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
