Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize