does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just forgot I was standing up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
