2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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