He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
