Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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