oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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