My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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