Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
