yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
