please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
