Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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