Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
