There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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