just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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