as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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