You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
