Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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