i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
