I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
