I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Randomize
