Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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