just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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