I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
