if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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