He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
