if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
