you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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