just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
