Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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