Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
