Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
