6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
