I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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