we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize