Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
